i really wanted to..

just if i have a wings..
just if i could teleport and go wherever i want to..

it would be where u are. (=

none is excepted..

everyone change..
i know it..u know it..they know it.
cause i've changed..u've changed..and they've changed..

but still, we do have the choice to change or stay the same..
and for me..i ain't gonna be the same.

being fuckin'ly stupid for the second time..
nope i ain't gonna let that. (=

and i thought nobody would let it..

just as everything around..
u and i have changed..

something in my head..

sometimes, i sit alone and thought is there a place where its only me i should care about..
is there a place where i can do what i want and noone can stop me..
is there a place where i can run to..head to the rooftop and scream anything i like..such "yeahaa~!" maybe "IM ALIVE" cuz i know that moment that i really do..
is there a place where its ok live without cash..without car..just living the days as it is..
nothing to care about as everything will last.

as i open these eyes..i know this is not the life i didn't mean that its sucks
but this world now..its not how its supposed to be.
the people outside there are just ruin..
inhuman..
beast..
they wear shiny shoe..have shiny hair..
carry a briefcase around all the time..
driving big shining cars..
i don't see them as people who are success. sorry but this is my thoughts so just fuckin swallow it k?

i see them as what i said before..beast..inhuman..robots.
i wann live this life..this short life as myself..
being stupid..dummy..fucked up kid with a dream to live a low life..

sometimes i thought that big house..big car..thick wallet..rich and famous is what i wanted..
but when i think twice..thats not how it was supposed to be..and i just wanted to be as what will be..just me.

i don't wanna set my future.. shout me in the face..but thats my thought..
i'm not gonna set my future..

I'm not a fuckin loser..

ugh..my head is fo fuckin aching..

just get up from sleep..

hey hey..its November..

and i have 22 days left to prepare for Spm..

and still, here i'am talking about this war in my head..

=\

annoyed and funny =D

tgh dgr khutbah jumaat..

ada budak kecik duduk depan aku..

then sepanjang tu jugak dia tgk aku terus..

aku buat mukak garang pun dia bgtu jak.

hahahah!

nasib tgh khutbah..diam2..klu x..aku jentik suda telinga dia.

wahahahaha!

yawn...

do u ever feel bored living this life..with the routine you have to get through each day..

i don't wanna be a robot. i want to go where i want to..want to jump wherever i feel like..

wanna scream all time till i lose my voice..just if i could...

not staying in a constant place..thats my dream life..living on the road..

leaving footmarks all around the world..i would..if i could.. ((=

Milo

i called..checking out. That would be last time.. i just knew it. (':

p/s ; my vanishing status have a reason even u knew it..reappearance of me..to say thanks for teaching me alot..though we're from different brand of drinks..haha. thx!

Spm..

yahoo..sekejap lagi!! lepas tu bakar baju sekolah!! RAWR!!

it used to be..

it used to be you who break my heart..

(=

but here i'am..i'm fine..better..i grow stronger..thx.

happy ending..sad ending..

..what makes the different? they still an ending..

i've been bad..

SPM..is around the corner..

am i enough for you maybe?

wondering would i be enough?

that would be nonsense..

but at least would i be what you want..

just that..

so i know you feel me too.. (:

activating my tumblr again.. (((=

smellyshoe . tumblr

p;s ..everything deserve a second chance. hahah!

Another Day..

another day is about to die..

but i still don't get you.

water. H²O

aku bukak puasa air kosong jak hari nih..

sbb otw pg rumah tu suda masuk waktu..jadi aku minum air kosong jak la..

smpi rumah terus pegi bilik..mandi..solat..landing di katil on lagu..

tak terasa laparnya. hahah.

tgh dgr lagu 'The Mistress and Her Heart by Surprises'

now, jgn kcu saya..sbb saya maw pi mkn!

nanti saya sakit! heheh.

boring slow day..

i took a nap twice this evening..

1st, 1.00 PM - 3.00 PM.

2nd, 3.30 - 4.30 PM.

lambat sial masa bejalan..

plan utk turun bandar pun x jadi..

sebab? panas betol..mls aku maw bepeluh2 lagi. haha.

and skate..fuh. punya lama da tak maen.

malas maw skate..sbb rail patah.

jd down sikit la mood aku mau skate.

plus, puasa lagik ni..heheh

boring nyaaaaaaa Ld..

i could probably tgk movie skrg..

bosan2 mcm nih aku ptt lepak dkt skatepark da..

maybe di kdi kasut suda..kdi baju..hmm

tapi di Ld? semua tu sgt mustahil.. :|

walking to nowhere..

i'm just going to take a walk today

i don't feel ok and there's nothing else i could do

i'll just walk..by myself..

'it's not fair to let everything go..'

things i wanna do with you..yeah you green girl!

i wanna take you out just to walk with me on the beach..

i wanna take you to a rooftop and shout your name out loud..

i wanna see how you much would you eat..

i wanna lift you on my back and walk around town..

i wanna hold your hand so you can pull me while i'm on my skateboard..

i wanna make you blush just by staring deep in your beautiful eyes.

..i wanna let you hear my heart beat..

after all..i just wanna be around you

but i'm just a stranger..

(:

8 : 38 PM, 31th August. 2010

baru pulang dari rumah kwn..

Shidah. Happy Befday!! 17 sudah kau!

Member yg lain masih di sana lagi tu kali..

Aku d sini..bilik, gelap, sejuk(sbb a/c on -,-), sendiri.

aku baca balik posting2 lama aku..

it's like everything i'm passing through everyday is in..

inside my words, there's no confidence.

i always thought i'll fall before i even start running.

i want that to change....

feeling superior..

i called her that evening, talking just a line or two..and lastly i said i will call her later..

then the later comes, i called her..we talk for awhile and here's a little line..

dia : suda mkn?

aku : tiada mkn hari ni..

dia : tipu lah..

aku : really. Aku minum jak hari ni..

dia : tahan nya kau..nda lapar ka?

aku : lapar jugak tapi teda selera maw mkn. Sahur pun aku teda makan..

dia : haaa?? its not good la mcm tu. Satu hari langsung teda mkn? Pegi mkn la dulu..nanti kau sakit..

aku : hahahahaha! ada bha aku makan..

dia : uhhhhhhhh..kan. tipu seja.

((: feels good when that someone cares..about just this basic things..

p.s ; sorry i lied. ;D ask me again tonight, and i wouldn't lie. HA HA HA!

you worth

u're worth fighting for..

i ain't gonna let this just blew away.

just not again.

i ain't gonna let this go..

no matter what they say..

no matter what i'll face.

i'm not letting go.

now, i'm seriously getting what i deserve..

so much more

lots of story i wanted to tell..

so many things i wanna ask..

..and..

too much from you i wanna hear..

so when i stay silence..

please know that i'm too tired to speak..and i'm too eager to listen to your voice..

all the little things..

dia : "euwww..tikus.."

aku : "hahaha..! dimana bha kau ni?"

dia : "di belakang restoran......aaaaa!! tikus!"

aku : "hahah. bha kau masuk la dulu..nti ada penjahat di belakang restoran..aku call later.."

dia : "it's okay..byk jugak kereta lalu sini.."

aku : "really x mau masuk lagi?"

dia : "erghhh..tikus ni..lipas lagi"

aku : "err..aku pun geli lipas..but..hmm..cute bha tikus.."

dia : "euww.."

aku : "hamster?"

dia : "itu cute!!"

aku : "kau ada?"

dia : "nope..but my sis do.."

aku : "hmm..x mau bela hamster?"

dia : "nti mati? x pndi jaga.."

hahahahaha..just the way she talk.. (:

Angel In Green

angela. amazing just the way you are ((((:

thoughts..random thoughts..

the past taught me a lot.

taught me what?

some people are angel from the outside..demon in the inside..means, never ever trust a look.

goodnight. (:

today's thing..

pulang skolah terus land..

tidur memanjang smpi jam 5.

hahaha.

bgn jak terus pg rumah azri..

hantar brg..ya aku tidur rumah dia dua hari ni.

jam 6 pegi bazar sendiri..beli mknn..

pulang rumah dia..bebuka..

7 lbih member amek pegi terawih.

pulang terawih..8 lbih..lepak d rumah member jap.

mkn2 sikit..

10 lbih pulang..

and skrg disini.

mengupdate blog.

((:

sudah. ini saja yg ku perlu.

bagi aku rasa gembira.

bagi aku kwn yg sentiasa support aku.

bagi aku someone utk aku cinta.

bagi aku family utk tegur silap aku.

bagi aku sekolah utk jamin masa depan aku.

ini saja yg ku perlu and aku sudah ada.

terima kasih tuhan. (:

i know someone new..

actually been knowing her since 2009..

but now then i have the courage to ask her to let me know her better..

and she let me., thx 4 that.

i guess i've fallen for her..

i don't know..

but i really wanna run to her now if only i could..i would.

but looking at the past, it hurts to be pushed away for someone else..

and i don't wanna be invisible anymore towards the one i love..

and i ain't gonna let that happen again..

i don't know what would i be if i have to feel that pain again..

fuhh..lama sial x on!

life aku better than before.. ((:

kwn aku byk support! thx guys.

oh yaa..middle of ramadhan da ni..

baru maw wish..Selamat Berpuasa semua!

((:

the greatest war is the war against urself

..hmm..lemah...

this band..(my band)
byk sgt masalah..between band members.
mcm2...bila time practice mesti ada alasan x dpt attend..
-,-

bila dpt gigs, hepi bukan maen..maw kasi konfem konon tp duit x collect..
then da lambat baru maw sibuk..
when lambat, nama x masuk fliers..baru maw bising..

ada yg buang member pasal betina..
ada yg xda masa..
ada yg mls turun practice..
and aku..bila practice main2..

smua ahli band ni..masih byk perlu kasi baik..
disiplin...
focus..

hmm..for now, band ni kita bagi malap dulu k..
after spm, kita mw naik sama2..
aku da masuk plkn nti up to kamu la maw tggu atau cr org lain..
aku support!

s! k! a! t! E!

punya siok sial deck baru akuuu...auw!!

A Rocket To The Moon..Like We Used To.

will he love you like i loved you..?
will he tell you everyday..?
will he make you feel feel like you're invincible
with every words he'll say..?
can u promise me if this was right, don't throw it all away..

will you do all this things..that we used to....

zikri, lifes too short to waste it with regret..

i was just awake.. 1.43 PM.
and feeling so hungry..
maw bg kwn pg mkn? blnja aku la..

but one thing i realize today..
after 3 minutes of waking up..
i saw something..

and i myself whisper a voice..
"lifes too short to regret.."

im wasting my day..

hari ni..langsung x buat apa2..
baca buku, tidur, buat kerja rumah, tidur, on9..

damn..x kluar lepak..langsung..x pegi sembang..
baring2 di bilik jadik org bodoh.hahah

tgk2 contact, ada azribulat, redhapetak, joharhanjeng, coyotito, zombie, gundut..segala nama alien ada..tiba2 nampak ni.. ): milo..

shit..i made the biggest mistake there..i deserve to regret this..my whole life..
..boo me..

buduhhh..zikri sangat buduh. HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA~!

amarah..

sk8..sk8..sk8.
matahari benam..gelap..so susah da maw main..
jadi kami semua pun lepak sama2..
kwn2 aku..yg senior2 la dlm group sk8 tuh..marah2..

pasal apa?

ponglai..

kami yg baru2 ni diam2 jak la..hahaha lucu pun ada..
sap gaya drg becakap sgt mengerikan..
paling ganas tu yg nama nya ajiq..pergh!!
takut gua..

habes la itu ponglai..gua x tau apa2..jd diam2 jak la.. hee

quit..

my buddy..
hey, they care..
thats why thay ask me to stop..
and i would..
now i mean it forever..
but i've just got back in last monday..

yea..yea..ok..it smells bad on me though.
hahah.

8th August 2010..

Excel 13th august..
tp before that, 8th august tu ada gigs.
first timer dengan genre ni..(metalcore/post hardcore)
slalu nya alt, punk.. heheh

lokasi : dekat area kaka tempat futsal tuh.

yg ngeri tu org nya nda support nti.. plus,
klu ada yg mabuk smpi gaduh..aduuu.. nda best.. tp kita coba!!! oh iya..planning,
My Heroine by Silverstein..itu jak la dulu try bawa. ;D

Hey Soul Sister..

best best best!!
ya ya ya..aku lambat laaa..
-,-

sakit..otak.

pening siol satu hari ni..
huh..

saket kepala..

lepas pulang sekolah tu aku terus landing..
when bangun..kepala aku bepinar..
sampai sekarang...(8:41 PM)

-,-

kadang kadang..

kadang2 hati pemberontak aku teriak..

"keluar la dari rumah tuu! x payah la dduk spm! cari kerja! keluar dr rumah!"

but aku still fikir pasal parents aku..

aku xmau bg jatuh drg..

aku still fikir..

ikut hati aku lama da aku hilang..

lama da aku merempat tepi jln..

ikut hati aku..? aku x..

lies..

aku ckp aku kena awal esok pergi sekolah..

aku ada kelas..ada projek..ada kerja..bla bla bla..

aku just malas maw balik rumah semalam..

so aku stay di ofis kakak aku..

ya..malas maw balik rumah..

klu boleh aku mmg xmau balik dah..

still, im sorry i lied..

thats not me..ain't never me..

bawa kereta pusing2 dgn sound system bass meletup..

sebok maw kereta sport..

minat gila maw join team kereta..

beli baju standard harga 100+..

beli brg tgk jenama ala2 adidas, nike, LV..(jenama metropolitan)

hangout dgn member di kedai2 mahal..

dress dgn kolar tegak ke atas..sluar baggy..

rambut wet look..besinar2..

dgr lagu chingy, busta rhymes, timbaland..

hp iphone..blackberry..

nope..its not me..

aku lepak warung bakso..plg2 pun kedai mamak..

aku roll skate..kereta pun pinjam..

aku dress x kemas..t's and my worn out jeans..

aku x kisah jln dgn sluar koyak baju lusuh..

rambut aku messy..

kasut aku vans yg da koyak belah kiri..

aku bukan xda duit..

aku just suka jadi diri aku..

and aku mmg mcm tu..

gua mmg x kisah lu org nak ckp apa..

x usah nak bentuk gua jd someone yg lu org mau gua jd..

ya gua mau masa depan..gua tau gua ada..

tp biar gua hadap masa depan gua as diri gua sendiri..

..gua bukan anak patung lu..

please don't make this just another memory for me..

as time flews..

we grow..

we stand and walk..sometime we jump and run..

i saw lots of things..beautiful things i used to love..

pretty butterflies i used to chase..

but i fall..again and again..and i almost stop getting up..

plus, when i see that butterflies easily land on others arm and stay..

i almost lose faith and hope..

now i understand why i couldn't keep those butterflies to myself..

i understand now..there's a better one i deserve..

now please, this is enough..let this be my last..give me strength..

show me faith that this is the one..

(:

twenty fuckin hours..

i ain't gonna mumble about how much i love my gf..

cuz i want it to last..

(:

so today, woke up jam 6.30 am..ya ya ya..lewat pergi sekolah.

laju2 mandi..besiap..trus pegi skolah.

smpi dlm jam 7.15 gitu..

tulis nama jak..then masuk kelas..

then di kelas, kwn aku yg mana ialah band mate jugaaa..

begaduh..psl bass..gitar..lagu..

aku tgk jak la..bingung juak pusing2 kepala tgk drg 2 org..

time rehat drummer dtg..

dia pun tediam tgk ni dua org. hahahah! kami pun duduk tepi tgk gduh mulut drg nih..

(member, gaduh besar camana pun..tgn simpan poket..)

..hmm, kurang 1 org..utk spot rythm.

tp itu senang carik..hehe.

masalah ni dua org ntah smpi mana..yg best tu time x cerita band boleh ketawa sama2. hahah!

buduh kamu dua org..

balik sekolah terus pg tempat kakak..

on9..ntah apa2 la jak..bosan..smpi ttdur.

skrg baru bgn..and blogging. hihi..

ui..saket!

the devil wears prada

jgn bha bikin malu band org laen..HA HA HA

klu nda tau tu genre apa jgn ikut sukak hati label

asal scream kau cop screamo..

kau tau ka scream tu byk jenis?

pig squeal..

growl..

mid metalcore scream..

high scream..

ntah byk lagi la kali..aku pun x tau lg..

tp kan..yg pasti band screamo often guna byk high scream(yg mcm bunyi kucing mengeran tuh)

metalcore..deathcore..often guna growl..mid metalcore + sikit high scream..

ini kau..smua yg scream kau cop screamo..

hahahh!!

bikin panas sak..

aku minat tu band kau bilang screamo..

sgt jahanam kau..

fevret aku bmth(sejak2 drg more to metalcore dgn album plg baru suicide season)..dulu nda minat sap drg deathcore..byk guna high scream..nda siok..

tp sedap2 aku dgr lgu drg kau ckp screamo??!!

adui!!

ayat kwn aku..utk kau.. buta seni punya budak!

hahahahah!!

lagi satu..ada 1 jenis org ni..

mula2 dgr lgu bmth dia kutuk2..

skali tgk oliver sykes..trus di puja2 nya tu band..

klu cikaro gua x kisah beb..

ini jantan..HA HA HA!!

lyn muzik base on rupa ka?

bongok

music is about listening..understanding..not reading..

peduli la kau punya ayat hambur! asal msg kau sampai..itu muzik..

its empty..

Tried to take a picture
Of love ..
Didn't think I'd miss her
That much
I want to fill this new frame
But its empty

Tried to write a letter
In ink
Its been getting better
I think
I got a piece of paper
But its empty
Its empty

Maybe we're trying
Trying too hard
Maybe we're torn apart
Maybe the timing
Is beating our hearts
We're empty

And I've even wondered
If we
Should be getting under
These sheets
We could lie in this bed
But its empty
Its empty